thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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