Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
