No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
