dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
