dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize