just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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