i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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