Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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