Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
