help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
