I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize