listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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