so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like Iām back in college studying for finals.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
