i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
