you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
