no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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