Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
