If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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