I am puke
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize