She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
