If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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