did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
