Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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