I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize