you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
