Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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