I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
