My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
