i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
