No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
