There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
