now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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