i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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