I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
