Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize