I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
