Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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