I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
