a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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