Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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