Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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