Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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