meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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