return my video game
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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