I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
