I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
