Me. At least after what I've been through.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
