just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
