I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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