when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
