I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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