If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
