If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
