What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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