Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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