guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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