he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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