I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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