Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
