y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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