The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My vagina just recognized that song.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize