i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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