omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
