The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
