he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
