Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
