we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize