we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
