thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
