He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
