Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
