This is not my ceiling
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
