it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
