he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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