i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
