Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
