it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
