I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
where am i from again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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