nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
