He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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