did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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