Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
