I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
