shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
