i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
