so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
