I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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