Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
