apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
