She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
