Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
