i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
