yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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