Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
