this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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