I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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