I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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