I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
