I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
did i walk over a car last night?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
