the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
