Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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