My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
