Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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