At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
