Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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