what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
