i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
