Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
50% drunk capacity currently
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize