I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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