dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
