I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
