What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
