you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
