He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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