I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
