We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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