I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize