ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need a beard to bite.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
