gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So many bounce houses so little time
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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