I'm jealous of your bromance
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
