how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
